*listens to arctic monkeys for the first time*
*5 minutes later*
Bring Me The Horizon (Vans Warped Tour 2013: Pomona Day 2) [x]
the guy doing cartwheels is literally me
Was it literally actually you Eli
it was i was there cartwheeling into the wall of death because I DONT FEAR NOTHING BITCH
I’ve been on a random music listening spree lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of Skrillex, and other stuff like Deadmau5 and dubstep-esque. What am I doing with my life.
in the middle of a gunfight
in the centre of a restaurant
u kno he deadI believe I can fly
It literally tears me apart that my father isn’t really my father anymore. He’s never really been a father. He’s never been good with the whole understanding and emotion thing. So I can’t really go to him for anything. I’ve always gone to my mom. Or my close friends. They’ll listen to what I have to say, my own father? Nah. It’s sad when I can’t even feel comfortable in my own home anymore. I never really did. I did until my step mom moved in. Then the little cunt ruined everything. If my dad didn’t HAVE to have someone none of this would be happening right now, and by this I mean this mess. This mess that my life has become and I question and analyze constantly. Yeah I’ve gone 8 months without self harm, but that doesn’t mean it’s not in the back of my mind constantly as an alternative to making me feel better. Can I bring myself to do it anymore necessarily? No, I can’t, but it’s always there in the back of my mind as an alternative and it does scare me that it’s considered an alternative. I don’t want it to be an alternative. I’ve been craving cigarettes again ever since the other night when I smoked one with my boy and that’s all I want. That was my stress reliever before cutting. Marlboro 100s to kill me faster. Kill the pain and kill the stress faster. All of this other shit along with me sitting here writing this and questioning what I’m doing with my life, because I see all these people I graduated high school with either still in school/college or traveling abroad and becoming what they’ve had their mind set on since they were children. People becoming nurses, doctors, trainers, going into the military. It only bothers me so much because I could be doing that right now and I know I have the motivation and drive to, I just can’t and don’t want to because of all this shit. Instead I’m working at a fucking grocery store at 20 years old and still living with my father, while all of my other friends are successful. I think the drive to get out of here is stronger than anything else I have a drive for. Getting a license, getting a car, getting an apartment, and getting the fuck out of here, because I’ve been stuck in the same place for far too long and it’s borderline driving me crazy. It’s actually past the point of driving me crazy. Maybe reality will be more clear if I just completely started over and never looked back to the shit I’m dealing with now. Because I’m sure my future looks so much fucking brighter than this shit right now.